What's driving me to do this? I can't really give you an answer, except that sometimes I get pushed in a random direction. I've learned the best thing to do in these situations is to mentally shrug my shoulders and just go with it. Only in this case "just go with it" doesn't seem to mean "float along and enjoy the ride." No, in this case "just go with it" seems to mean "wake up early and kick your own butt, disregarding the fact that as of yet you have no idea how you're getting there, or who is going with you, or any of that stuff."
But I suppose I should back up a bit and explain myself.
A few weeks ago I read a book called The Buried Life. It's a PostSecret sort of book, except that instead of sharing secrets it reveals hopes. People were asked one question: What do you want to do before you die? Some of the answers made me laugh. Some made me shake my head. Reading the stories behind how some were achieved made me cry. See, a few years ago four guys felt, well, Blah. They were all in different types and stages of Blah, but they were there. And one day they asked what they would do if they weren't stuck in Blah. They started throwing out ideas, and then they wrote them down, and between the four of them they came up with a list of one hundred items. And here's where it gets really good: They actually set out to do them. They had one condition, though - for every item they crossed off their own list they would help someone else cross an item off their list. (It is a really great story. I would definitely recommend reading the book, or at least going to their website, www.theburiedlife.com.) When I closed the book I felt inspired. I don't want to be stuck in Blah.
As soon as I got home that night I pulled out a notebook and started writing my own list. Some of my items are silly (#36 - wear a tutu skirt, #14 - Eat a turkey leg), some are serious (#1 - Fall in love, #2 - Get out of debt, #12 - Write a novel). Some seem outrageously far-fetched (#18 - Go on the Jimmy Fallon Show, #20 - Be the voice of a Disney character), some are a little embarrassing (#30 - Go skinny dipping, #4 - Take a food challenge - and WIN). And some are very private, a voice to my deepest desires and insecurities, items that only I will see crossed off in the notebook. I currently have 39 items on my list - with the expectation that more will be added. None of them are crossed off yet, but I am actively working on it.
Which brings us back to my "ouch." Well, almost. I was recently hired as a youth director and as I was searching for ways to get the students involved AND have fun I came across a link that said, "Become a St. Jude's Warrior!" I clicked, and was taken to the website for the Warrior Dash.
Excuse me. I mean, The WARRIOR DASH!!!!
That's what it looks like in my head, at least. I looked through the site and learned that the WARRIOR DASH!!!! is about 3.2 miles of running with 12 obstacles to get through. Obstacles such as crawling under barbed wire, climbing over walls, jumping over fire. Yes. Jumping over fire. (Strangely, this has become my favorite of the bunch.)
I (very) quickly realized there would be no way I could take a bunch of high schoolers to do this. (I briefly imagined myself telling parents, "And then we will swim through dirty water. And then jump over fire." Yeah, right.) But my next thought honestly shocked me. "Steph. You can do this."
"Nope." I answered myself.
"Yeah. Totally."
"I'm sorry...Did you miss the part where they JUMP OVER FIRE??"
"You've done it before -"
"Truesies."
"-And it would be for a good cause."
Sigh... "True."
"Consider it."
"Fine. I'll consider it."
When I got home that night I added to my list: #39 - Complete the Warrior Dash.
(It occurs to me now that #40 on my list should be "Stop these weird, little conversations you have with yourself," but they add so much fascination to my life that I just can't bring myself to do that.)
And #39 has a little something tacked onto it, at least in my mind. Raise money for St. Jude's. I have an amount I would like to strive for, but I'm still figuring out whether or not it's realistic. Because the WARRIOR DASH!!!! that I am going to complete is October 27. 3.5 months.
And so the training began today. I'm embarrassed to admit that all things considered it wasn't that tough, but still I'm left thinking one thing: Ouch.
Although, let's be honest. My "ouch" is a far cry from what would be considered "ouch" to those kids at St. Jude's.
So I guess I kind of do know what's driving me to do this. The Buried Life. And these guys:
