"If Grace Is An Ocean We're All Sinking"

Last weekend I had the opportunity to spend time away from the stress and pressure of everyday life. 

I don't think there are words to adequately describe the experience.  See, when I was in high school I was involved in a youth group called LOG (Love of God).  LOG was important for me...LOG taught me that I could actually be loved for being myself, not because I shared the last name of some pretty incredible people.  LOG taught me that I was worth being cared about and listened to - by people other than my family - even though I might not have been the cutest or the smartest.  LOG taught me how to know Jesus, really know Him, and what it means to love Him. 

LOG was pretty important to me.

Luckily for me, LOG is still a part of my life.  I was asked to be on the Spiritual Advisory Board (a.k.a. LOGBoard) when I was out of college.  Elisa told me to think about it and pray about it - and I used all my self-control to do so - and then said, "YES!!"  My role on LOGBoard is to do a bunch of behind-the-scenes type stuff.  Mary and I are a unit (sometimes called, "Phary"...take the last few letters of "Stepha" and "Mary") and together we write some pretty amazing skits (if I do say so, myself), and get a lot of the more practical things done.  I am also supposed to be there to pray for and love and lift up the high school students who are involved in LOG.  It's kind of funny how I am always the one getting lifted up and loved.

Last weekend we had a retreat where we rented a camp up by Lake Cachuma.  Cell phones are discouraged, but you don't get reception anyway, so it's not too rough to keep them put away.  iPods are discouraged, but there's no time to sit and listen to them, so what's the point of having them?  Watches are discouraged, because up at that retreat you get the chance to be outside of time.  It's tough the first time to have no watch, but after that you begin to appreciate it.  Time has no meaning up at LOG, except that you sleep at night and wake up in the morning, and God is always present. 

While I haven't exactly been screaming it from the rooftops, I haven't made a secret of the fact that life has been a little rough lately.  I have felt weighed down by all the things I have to do.  I am slightly afraid of checking my email, because while there is always one more reminder of something I need to do there is also always the possibility that I will have an email asking, "Why didn't you do this?  Did you forget??"  I feel overwhelmed sometimes, and all I want to do is run away (not the healthiest way of dealing with my problems at all). 

In the weeks leading up to LOG this all reached a peak, of sorts.  I was feeling down-trodden and frustrated and guilty, too, because I was looking forward to the weekend, but only to get away from it all.  I was excited to spend the weekend with my close friends, other LOGBoard members and high-schoolers.  I am sorry to say that I wasn't necessarily excited to spend the time with God. 

Fortunately He met me where I was.  Last weekend I was wrapped up in love and taught a valuable lesson.  Sometimes we need a slap in the face.  Sometimes we need to get knocked out of our complacency.  We need to realize that the path we are headed down is going exactly that way: down. 

My life lately has been the slap.  I was skating along and somewhere along the way had lost sight of what was truly important.  I got caught up in my own world.  I forgot to look outside myself.  And then my life - which wasn't too hard really, however much I had moaned about it - got hard.  I was suddenly left feeling like the things I had before were gone.  I was left without the things that distract me from the important things in life. 

And then, because God is good, I was wrapped up and held tight when I felt most vulnerable.  The slap in the face was soothed by the hug afterward.  And with my eyes cleared from the distracting stuff I was able to see the most beautiful thing of all: Grace.  I saw that even with my faults, my distractions, and my missteps I am loved.  I am offered forgiveness and the grace to stand back up and begin to walk again. 

Mary gets Group-Hugged!

Quite the lesson, really.  And it was taught by high-schoolers. 

And so I leave you now with the words of the theme of LOG 42.  The song, How He Loves states it much better than I can. 

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh, how He loves us.
How He loves us, so.

We are His portion and He is our Prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes.
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets Earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
And I don't have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way

That He loves us,
Oh how he loves us.

Oh how he loves us

How he loves us, so.